Waiting

– What’s your strength?

– Patience.

– What’s your talent?

– I’m good at waiting.

Remember all those days that flew between us? I spent all of them on stand-by… waiting for you to talk about your dreams, plans, future. I was waiting for you to ask about my dreams, places I wanna go, books I want to read, countries I wanna visit, desires I wanna fulfill. And when I got curious about your answers, you remained silent. Seems like your indecisions were a decision after all. One day, I got tired of waiting, got up and left behind me all that loud silence.

wait1I remember all the pure emotions you made me feel. But also the planning, the dreaming, all the control I held in my hands. And I was tired of being responsible for two souls. I was waiting for you to lighten my burden. You never did, because you never knew how. Remember all our talks and how I encouraged you to aspire for more? You thought I didn’t need it, that I could do it on my own. One day, I got tired of waiting for you to take over all the control I was holding. And I drove to exit.

Do you recall that summer night I cried in front of you? You asked me with a harsh voice what was wrong. I couldn’t tell you… I just waited for you to take me into your arms and tell me that everything will be alright. And then, scared of my vulnerabilities, you disappeared. I guess my insecurities opened up your own scars. I waited patiently for you, while patching my torn soul. You never returned, while I was stubborn in my waiting. Until that night I dreamed about your funeral. My feelings for you left me…

waitRemember when you asked me to have patience, that one day, soon enough, we’ll meet? And I waited, even if I read trouble between the lines. I got fooled with the way you touched me without using your hands. I wondered whether you were linked to my subconscious. Oh, you were so good at undressing my soul, my hidden lust. I knew nothing about you, but I knew everything we were not. An uncovered secret…

Beyond our long nights filled with written words, beyond our days filled with music and desires, I was patiently holding onto you. I was like a moth drawn to a flame, while you discovered the right rhyme and rhythm that turned me on. I chose to believe your „beautiful lies”, while waiting for the night I’ll finally melt into you… Until one day, when it was running late for us. And I stood up to leave…

And while rewinding my soul, it got crystal clear that all this time I was putting me „on hold”.

 

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